Speaker 1 0:01
Hey, girl, do you expect your wardrobe to perform miracles, like when a character in a movie gets a makeover, and all of a sudden, her life is totally changed? Or are you in the opposite camp, believing what you wear has no effect on your life at all? What if I told you the truth is somewhere in the middle that there are some things that your clothes can do for you and some things that they can’t? Today, I’m breaking down what you can realistically expect from your wardrobe and which expectations to let go of. Let’s get started.

Speaker 2 0:40
Hello Gorgeous,

Speaker 1 0:44
Welcome back to the Everyday Style School, the podcast that gives real-life style advice to real-life women. If you’re new here, welcome. I’m your host. Jennifer Mackey Mary, I’m a wardrobe stylist who’s been dressing everyday women for over 20 years, and I’m the founder of Everyday Style, where we are on a mission to inspire women to love the way they look and give you the tools to make getting dressed easy. If you’re a longtime listener, welcome back. Thanks for hanging out with me again today. Before we get to today’s topic, I want to share a comment from one of our UK-based members who posted some of her outfit photos from before she joined the style circle, and now, while she has always looked fabulous, seeing her style evolution was really fun. But what I really loved is what she had to say, which is, that I’ve been a member for six capsules now, and have been working hard to build up a wardrobe that I adore, having learned so much from the podcast in capsules and filling up the gaping holes in my wardrobe, I’ve always loved clothes, but couldn’t work out where I was going wrong before. This has given me such a perspective on my style and the fit and colors that work best for me. I’ve invested money, but amazingly, not a single pound of it feels wasted as it’s all been carefully considered, and I’ve now got a high-value wardrobe where I wear everything in my closet. Everything now mixes and matches so well, making getting dressed so much easier. There’s so much versatility in there that I can have fun playing around with outfits, swapping out things that aren’t working, and I have on-hand choices of shoes and accessories to finish off outfits in a more polished way. I couldn’t be happier, Kate. Thank you so much for your kind words, and we are just thrilled to have you in our community. If you are already a style circle member, go check out some of Kate’s before and afters and add your own. And if you’re not a member yet but want a high-value, mix-and-match wardrobe like Kate’s, that makes it easy to get dressed. Come and join us. The link is in the show notes. All right, let’s talk about what you can reasonably expect from your wardrobe. I’ve talked a lot on the show about how you can dress yourself for the day you want to have, and how you can use your wardrobe to help you reach your goals. In fact, I did a whole episode about that at the beginning of this year, and we’ll link to that in the show notes. And I want to go on record and say that I 100%, without a doubt, stand behind everything I said in that episode. I know without a moment’s hesitation that your wardrobe can be an incredibly powerful tool when used with intention. But even as I say that, I know there are things your wardrobe simply can’t do, and I try to be mindful of that on the show and not make promises that I or your clothes can’t deliver. This is something I actually learned the hard way early on in my styling career. When I think back to the clients I worked with as a one-on-one stylist, I love thinking about the women who got the promotion or rediscovered their sense of self, or felt great on their vacation or wanted to do date night with their husbands. Over a decade later, those women are still really meaningful to me, and I was just incredibly happy to be a part of their style journey. But sometimes, I think about the clients I couldn’t help well, or who didn’t love the result, and over a decade later, they still don’t sit right with me, and I wish I could have done more. When I look back at both groups and I compare the two, a pattern emerges. The first group had realistic expectations that I was able to meet and often exceed. The second group, especially the deeply unsatisfied ones, expected me and the clothes to do things we simply could not do. I even remember one client saying to me at the end of our time together that she expected to feel differently after working together, and that she expected more, that one hurt at the time. My business was really new.

Speaker 1 10:00
Was it I never seemed to have the right thing, which was kind of wild, because this Linda spent all day, every day, shopping. I have never seen so many clothes in my life. Linda was desperately trying to fill the loneliness hole with shopping and clothes, something that no dress can do for you, no matter how great it is. There are times when a great outfit can boost your mood and help you feel good, but when the problem is deeper, you have to solve that before you go shopping. And don’t expect your clothes to lift you out of really serious challenges. Which brings me to the second thing your clothes can and can’t do for you. Your clothes can help you on whatever journey you are on, but they can’t turn you into someone you’re not. In my experience, this is the misguided expectation I see most often. So let’s talk about it in my episode on how your wardrobe can help you reach your goals, I talked about wearing an outfit that I felt bad in to the gym, and how when I looked in the mirror, I thought, Ugh, why bother? I’m never going to reach my goals. I might as well just go home and crawl back in bed. Now, when I’m in gym clothes, I feel good in I don’t feel that way. I i Look in the mirror and I see strength, and I see progress, and I’m happy with where I’m at. My clothes are helping me on the journey I’m already on. However, going to Lululemon and dropping lots of money on cute workout clothes will not make you want to go to the gym if you don’t want to work out, those clothes will sit in your drawer and mock you, but they won’t turn you into a person who prioritizes exercise. It’s like buying a planner won’t make you an organized person, and buying a hammer won’t build you a house when you are ready, willing and able to take action. The tools will help you get there faster. They’ll help you go farther, and that’s what your wardrobe is. It’s a tool, but buying the tool doesn’t guarantee the action. Oddly, clearance racks seem to be the source of a lot of misguided expectations when it comes to wanting your clothes to turn you into someone that you’re not like because a suit is on sale, you’re going to become a person who wears suits to work from home. No, you’re not, Linda, let’s let’s just be honest, if you like working in leggings and T shirts, you’re not going to want to put on what I like to call hard pants and an amazing deal on heels. Isn’t going to turn you into a person who likes to wear heels if you haven’t worn anything but flats for the last 15 years, that rack does not have magical powers to turn you into a completely different person. True story, I once worked with Alinda, who had an incredibly basic wardrobe. Her style was just very simple. She didn’t like bold colors or patterns or accessories, and that’s fine. Nothing wrong with that. We went to Banana Republic, and she found a pink ostrich feather tube top on a clearance rack, and she was like, Oh, this is cute. Maybe, maybe I could wear things like this. Okay, well, you could, but you’re not going to, and there’s nothing wrong with that. And in a much less dramatic example, I used to work with clients all the time who wanted to up level their style, which great. I completely support that they were mostly stay at home moms who wore stay at home mom type clothes, leggings, tees, you know the drum when we’d shop together, they’d feel like this was their chance to reinvent themselves, and I get it. They’re investing their time, their money, and it is kind of an opportunity for a wardrobe overhaul, but filling your stay at home mom closet with I’m going to the office clothes isn’t going to turn you into a woman who wakes up and instead of leggings and sneakers, chooses dress pants and heels, all it will turn you into is a woman wearing leggings and sneakers with a closet full of dress pants and heels that she doesn’t want to wear. And I truly I don’t mean to be depressing or defeatist about reinventing yourself or up leveling your style. I am so about both of those things, but my point is, the clothes will not make you want to be different. So how do you navigate that line between using your wardrobe as a tool to help you on whatever journey you’re on, and expecting your wardrobe to turn you into someone else entirely? Here’s what you need to ask yourself, ready? Are you already doing the thing with what you already have for my stay at home mom clients, I know they had some business casual already in their closets, some blouses, some trousers. Were they wearing them? And when we’re talking about were. Outwear. Are you already working out? If you are, if you are already going to the gym, if you’re already using your dressier clothes, you’re looking to use your wardrobe, or an uplevel of your wardrobe as a boost, and that is on the right side of the line. But if you’re not, if you never wear any of the nicer clothes already hanging in your closet, or you haven’t been to the gym or on a walk in a very long time, and you believe that buying new clothes will be the thing that changes that save your money. Do not expect new trousers to do what the ones hanging in your closet haven’t. Don’t expect new running shoes to do what the ones you already own. Haven’t if you’re already doing the thing with what you already have, your wardrobe can be an amazing tool to help you go farther faster. Until then, though, don’t expect the clothes to fundamentally change you. Wanting your clothes to turn you into a new person is the unrealistic expectation I saw most often, but this last one leads to the most disappointment, and that is your wardrobe. Can dress the body you have right now best, but it can’t actually change your body. Dressing your body shape best and wearing your best colors can have a huge impact on the way you look but nothing is going to fundamentally change your body. Over the years, I’ve worked with women who were deeply unsatisfied with their bodies, and when I think about the clients who I didn’t help Well, the ones who were underwhelmed by the result, they all fall into this category, and all of them had very similar stories. Their bodies had undergone major changes, usually after having kids, and they wanted a wardrobe that would help them look the way they did before. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. I truly do, but there is no outfit that will make a current size 16 body look like the size four that it used to be that just isn’t possible. What’s more realistic and what clothes can actually do is, when a size 16 woman is feeling bad about herself, usually what she’s going to do is wear oversized things, cover up with a ton of extra fabric. She’s going to cover up the body she doesn’t like with clothes she doesn’t like, and she actually probably looks closer to an 18 or a 20. What clothes can do is get you back to that actual size 16, what you really look like. And we can highlight the good parts, balance out your top and bottom halves, add structure or flow to where you need it, and camouflage some of the stuff you don’t love, which is a very powerful result, but it’s never going to make you look six sizes smaller, and that’s just the reality. Having realistic expectations for what your clothes can do for your body is important because it allows you to celebrate the good parts and feel successful and have fun with style when you have unrealistic expectations, you’ll always be disappointed, and you’ll start to believe that what you wear makes no difference at all. So why bother trying? Don’t throw away really good because things aren’t perfect. Use your wardrobe to look the best you can right now, and you’ll find it’s easier to get where you really want to be. All right, there you have it. Three things your wardrobe can and can’t do for you. What you wear does matter, and as long as you have realistic expectations, your wardrobe can be a really powerful tool to help you look good, feel good, and reach your goals. Speaking of dressing your body best, this summer, we are doing a series on our members-only podcast that shares simple tips to dress your most challenging body parts, from narrow shoulders to big calves and everything in between. If you’re already a Style Circle member, go check it out. If you’re not, this is one you don’t want to miss again. Link is in the show notes. We will see you in the community. All right, I’ll see you next time, and until then, remember that your everyday matters, so get dressed for it,