If you’ve listened to this show for any length of time, you know I give a lot of advice. I say a lot of words. I tell you do do lots of things, and not to do others. But, the question is, do I actually practice what I preach? Do I follow my own advice? Turns out, not always, and today I’m going to share what bits of my own wisdom I DON’T follow.   Let’s get started. 

Hello gorgeous, welcome back to the Everyday Style School, the podcast that gives real life style advice to real-life women. 

I’m your host, Jennifer Mackey Mary, I’m a wardrobe stylist who’s been dressing everyday women for over 20 years, and the founder of Everyday Style, where we’re on a mission to inspire women to love the way they look and give you the tools to make getting dressed easy.

As someone who listens to a lot of podcast, and spends more time scrolling social media than I probably should, I hear and see a lot of advice. From skincare experts sharing their anti aging secrets, to finance experts saying you should never darken the door of a Starbucks, sometimes I wonder if they’re really following their own advice. Does the skincare expert fall asleep in her make up more a few times a week, and does the finance guru have a secret venti latte habit? 

Who knows. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe they follow their own advice most of the time, but I’m guessing there are things they tell us to do, that they’re not doing themselves. Does that make them total frauds? To me, no. Now, if the finance expert is going through bankruptcy, or the skincare person’s unlined forehead is a result of botox instead of good  sleep and a quality moisturizer like she claims, then yeah, not cool.

But the reality is, so much of the advice you get from podcasts, tv, or social media is just best practices that apply to a lot of people, many of whom are probably in an early stage of learning about a topic, and need simple, clear advice. 

Its impossible to explain every nuance and exception to every rule, and give different advice to fit all levels of mastery in a large forum. For example, if you’re at the beginning of your finance journey, and you’ve got a lot of debt to pay off, staying out of starbucks probably is very good advice. But there’s a finance guy I follow who says if treating yourself to starbucks once a week keeps you from feeling so deprived that you can’t stick to your budget, get the starbucks once you’re not adding more debt each month. I’m guessing a lot of people miss that last part and just tell themselves “He says getting starbucks is ok”. I truly believe that most experts and advice givers really want their audiences to succeed, like I do, so we stick to advice that can’t be misconstrued easily. 

Which probably means that your favorite experts DON’T follow all the advice they give, and I’m no exception to that. Today, in the spirit of transparency, I’m going to share 4 things I tell you to do, but don’t do myself. And because I want you to know that I’m not just out here saying things just for the sake of saying things, I’m going to tell you WHY I don’t do them.

The first one is that I don’t follow a Capsule Wardrobe. This one is a little fuzzy, because in all fairness to me, I never said YOU should follow a Capsule Wardrobe. What I have said is that Capsule Wardrobes are one way to build a wardrobe, and they are a very good thing in lots of situations. For example, when your body is changing, and you don’t want to buy a ton of clothes, but you need to be able to get dressed everyday, Capsule Wardrobes are amazing. Same thing with being on a budget–Capsule wardrobes are a great way to do more with less. 

But a few years ago, I shared in the facebook community that I don’t follow our Capsule Guides, and I got a very strongly worded message about how I’m a fraud and how she couldn’t trust me anymore. She said the Guides we create and sell are just money grabs if I’m not doing them myself–it was a lot. But here’s the thing, Capsule wardrobes in general are really great when your don’t want to spend time thinking about what goes together, or you’re unsure of your style abilities, or you want a more minimalist approach. Those things don’t apply to me. I like creating outfits, I’m not a minimalist, and I’m pretty confident in my style

As far as not following the Everyday Style Capsule Guides–a big misconception, that has lessened over time, is that we create them based on what I like, or what works for me. Trust me, nothing could be further from the truth. Very few of the Capsule Color Palletes we’ve done over the years have been best for me, and a lot of the pieces arent things I feel good in. We choose things based on what’s trending, what we’ve used before, and what a lot of women would wear. When we’re putting the database together, I’m definitely shopping when there’s a piece I love, but if we just created guides with me in mind, we’d have a lot of unhappy customers. I always add a couple of Capsule pieces to my wardrobe, and when i color works for me, I’m all in, but I don’t closely follow our guides for that reason. 

To me, that message I got was like criticizing a chef because he makes meals at home that aren’t on the restaurants menu. Even if he thinks the restaurant menu is amazing, I wouldn’t expect him to only eat those dishes. 

There are times I when I take a more capsule approach to wardrobes though–for example, when I go on vacation, I’m all capsule, all the time. Defined color palette, versatile pieces, again, doing more with less. Also, I go more capsule when my own body is changing. I’ve lost weight recently,  and I’m having to replace things. Because I don’t really know where I’m going to end up, I’m not rushing out to buy a whole new wardrobe. I’ve bought a small collection of key pieces, in a mix and match color palette that make it easy to create a lot of outfits with fewer things. 

So it isn’t like I’m against Capsule Wardrobes while telling you’re they’re the only or even the best way to get dressed. I think they’re an amazing tool in certain situations, they solve a lot of wardrobe challenges, and they make style super easy. But I’m not a Capsule Guide diehard, and I’m sorry if you’re shocked or offended by that, but it is what it is.

The second bit of advice I give, but don’t follow, is about buying multiples. You probably know I’m against it, because most of the time it’s a money wasting, closet cluttering strategy.  But this is a time when people miss part of the advice, and it changes the meaning a lot. One of our members actually just asked about this in a style coaching session, and like most people, she remembered the first part of the advice–which is don’t buy multiples, but forgot the second, which is UNLESS you’re tough to fit. And by fit, I mean things like struggling to find pants that fit both your waist and your hips. If that’s the case, and you find pants that fit you perfectly off the rack? Don’t reinvent the wheel. Buy the pants in a couple of colors. What I’m talking about mostly is everyday basics when you don’t have fit challenges, or statement pieces.

I am not an easy person to fit, and I’m picky about necklines and sleeve types. I can’t stand super high, closed necklines, and I am so over drop shoulder sleeves I’m going to scream. So, when i found the perfect sweater with a vertical sleeve and slightly open neckline? You bet I was buying a few of them.  

I struggle with pants too, but I love statement pants, so I don’t buy multiples of those. For example, over the holidays I bought burgundy velvet cargo pants. I love them, they’re cute and comfortable and fit well, but I know I can’t or won’t wear them that offen, so I didn’t need to buy them in multiple colors. When it comes to buying multiples in statement pices, you’re going to end up wearing one more frequently than the others, and even that you probably wont’ wear all that often because it stands out so much, so the other versions do become money wasters and closet clutters. 

The difference between the advice I give when it comes to multiples and the way I build my own wardrobe is that when I buy something in more than one color, I am doing it intentionally to solve a specific problem, rather than just a default habit with not a lot of thought behind it. The other thing is that my wardrobe is incredibly varied. Yes, I might be wearing the same solid sweaters, but I’m pairing a pink one with burgundy velvet pants, or a burgundy one with leopard print straight legs, or the ivory with a teal silk midi skirt. There’s enough interest and variation in my wardrobe that I don’t think anyones ever even noticed that I have more than one of the same top. 

Most people try to pair their closet multiples with jeans that look the same, or black pants that look the same–there just isn’t enough variety to keep from looking and feeling like you’re wearing the same outfit over and over. This leads to wardrobe boredom, and buying more clothes–again often in multiples–which just perpetuates the cycle. 

If you’re going to buy multiples when you shop, make sure that it’s solving a wardrobe problem rather than creating one. 

Speaking of shopping habits, the third piece of my own advice i don’t follow is to stay out of stores in August and February. For decades, I have been telling women to save their money and not buy anything in these two months, and for the most part, I stand by that for a couple of reasons. First, August and February are kind of placeholders in fashion’s calendar, when most of us are so ready for the next season that we jump to buy things that make us feel like Spring, or Fall is almost here. Most people, and I know climates are different so this might not apply to you, can’t wear the things they buy in February or August for a  while. I was at the mall the other day, and Old Navy has sundresses and linen pants. Its february in Minnesota, so the average high is in the low 20’s. What am I going to do with linen pants right now? Another bit of advice I give is if you haven’t worn a purchase within 2 weeks chances are you never will, so return it. Well, that’s tough to do when you realistically can’t wear your things, so you buy it, stick it in your closet, and then decide you don’t like it in 2 months, long past the return window. Also, in February and August, you probably haven’t looked at what you have, or need for the next season, and lots of times you’ll end up buying things very similar to what you already own. 

The other reason I tell people to stay out of stores in February and August is that these are traditionally big clearance months–and you know how I feel about clearance sections. Wardrobe struggles are created in clearance sections, not solved, but it’s really easy to get caught up in the excitement of finding a skirt for under $10. Remember, price doesn’t make anything fit you better, flatter you more, or make you want to wear it, and if the thing that excites you the MOST about an item is the price, put it back, and walk away. 

But my friends, I shop in August and February, and here’s why.

First, sometimes I need stuff. Like I mentioned earlier, I’m in the position of changing sizes, and I find no value in struggling to get dressed, or feeling frumpy. None what so ever. Could I go to a party feeling frumpy in clothes that are too big? Sure, I guess, but why would I do that? I know I’ll have more fun if I like the way I look. So I shopped. Was it more challenging because of all the sundresses and linen pants? Yes. Did I have to venture into clearance sections? Also yes. But I needed clothes. Finding a solution will always be more important to me than following a rule. If I had all the clothes I needed to get me through the winter easily, I would not have shopped.

Also though, I know myself well enough to know what I have, and what I like. I don’t buy ok stuff in August and February, but when pre-spring and pre-fall come out and there’s something FABULOUS that looks nothing like what I already have, I’m buying it. I know that basic tops will be always be there, so I don’t bother with those, but some of my very favorite statement pieces were purchased in February and August. It isn’t like the days of old, when a store would get 10 styles of tops, and they’d be restocked throughout the season. Now, especially with the more unique pieces that I’m always looking to add, when they’re gone, they’re gone. But no, I’m not bringing home another basic tee in February. Those will be a dime a dozen when I can actually wear them. If it’s not special, there’s no reason to buy early. 

The last bit of advice I give, but don’t always follow is adhering to the rules of what’s best for my body shape. Now, again, if you listen to the show this one shouldn’t come as a total shock to you. I also say that style points count just as much as flattery points, and you should wear what makes you feel good, but I think there are a lot of people who believe that I only wear, or only should wear, styles that are best for apples. I know this because people have told me. Back when I was a one-on-one stylist, I’d have clients questioning why I was wearing crew neck top or whatever. Also, I did a ton of speaking engagements, and it’s probably the thing I miss most about my old life, but I used to talk about body shape a lot–definitely my most requested topic. If I didn’t have the right sleeve length, the right neckline, the right cardigan shape, I’d hear about it when it was time for questions. “You said apples should wear v-necks, why aren’t you wearing one”. You said apples shouldn’t wear short jackets-your’s looks short”  It got to the point where I had like 2 or 3 outfits that didn’t go against any guidelines and couldn’t be questioned at all–and even now, I try to wear things that follow body shape advice a little more closely when I know I’m going to be on video, but in my real life, I’m not obsessed with following body shape rules.

Before I tell you why, I want to talk about how body shape advice can be helpful, and liberating, and when it can be harmful, and limiting

Body shape advice is at it’s best when it helps you understand why clothes work the way they do on you. Think about a woman in a fitting room, who has taken a whole bunch of clothes in there to try on, but she doesn’t understand her shape, or what clothes do for her body. The first things she tries on that doesn’t work is like, eh, not for me. The second thing that doesnt’ work makes her feel a little worse. But as it goes on, it becomes less about the clothes not being right, and more about HER not being right. It’s a spiral The inner dialog becomws “my shoulders look like a linebacker” “I hate my tummy” “This would be cute if I lost 20 pounds” Maybe you’ve been there. But when you understand your body, and what clothes do for it, you can say “oh, don’t love a drop shoulder”, or “maybe I should try a woven top instead of a knit”–it helps you understand a) it’s not you, it’s the clothes and b) how to find better clothes. 

On the other hand, body shape advice and rules become harmful when they make you feel like there are only 6 things you’ll look good in. I have to say, those 2 or 3 perfect-for-my-shape outfits felt like a prison. Were they techically right? Sure, but it didnt’ feel fun. 

Which I guess is the first reason that I don’t feel the need to dress my shape textbook perfectly. Where’s the fun in that? Where’s the creativity? Once I showed a client how ¾ length sleeves could make your hips appear smaller, and she became obsessed. Wouldn’t look at any full length sleeves, wanted to get rid of all the full length sleeveed items she owned, and wanted me to give her a measurement of exactly where the sleeve should end on her arm. It was exhausing to me in the few hours I spent with her-I can’t imagine what it was like living in her head. It honestly made me wish I hadn’t mentioned it at all, and she could have just lived her life, free from that dress-your-best knowledge. Having fun with your clothes and with your style counts for a lot, and I’d rather have sleeves that are a little too long, than an obsession with having sleeves that are the perfect length. Its just mentally taxing to be obsessed with perfection

Another reason, and I know this sounds odd, is that because I know how to dress my body best, I don’t have to worry about making sure each piece is best. Let me explain, using my favorite Pablo Picasso quote which is, learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.  It’s true that turtlennecks aren’t best for me, but because I know this, and more importantly I know WHY, I know how to mitigate the effects and end up in an outfit I feel good in. Again, this is why understanding your body, and what clothes do for it is important. Otherwise, I if all I knew is that apples shouldn’t wear turtlencks, I wouldn’t even try. 

The last reason I don’t follow body shape advice 100% of the time is out of sheer necessity. Most of the styles that have been big in the last few years have not been best for my body shape, and yes, can I find things that work? Sure, I absolutely have, but finding tops that are long enough, with an open neckline, and no drop shoulder, and the right fabric often feels like an exercise in futility. I’m a busy woman, so sometimes you just gotta do the best you can do, and move on. When you add in wearing your best colors? Forget it. I think I would literally have 5 shirts that were perfect, and they’re all ivory. Maybe one navy

Years ago, I was looking for a color consultant to come on the show, and I was chatting with a very sweet woman, but she was lamenting about how hard it is to find clothes in her color pallete that also check off all her body shape must haves. The conversation started out lighthearted, but she started to get really emotional, and was saying how she shops endlessly and nothing is perfect, and she’s struggling to get dressed all the time, she doesn’t even want to leave the house…. and in my head I was like, “you know you don’t have to do any of this, right”? Like you could just wear a black turtleneck and the world will keep on spinning, I promise you. 

Conversations like this are why 100% perfection is never my goal. It’s too hard. Its unattainable. Especially when the trends aren’t cooperating. I know the trends will shift and better for me styles will be more available someday, but until that happens, I’m going to do the best I can, and then move on. Life’s too short, friends.

Your clothes are supposed to help you live the big rich full life you deserve. If the quest for perfection is diminishing your life in any way, it’s not not worth it.

I hope this episode has helped you realize that all the advice, all the guidelines, you hear on this show, and in other places, comes from a good place, but that doesn’t mean it’s a one size fits all approach. As I always say, take what works for you, and leave the rest. 

But I want to encourage you, to think about WHY the advice doesn’t work for you. Is there a valid reason–like buying multiples of things that are legitimately hard to find for you. Or is it just “this is how I’ve always done it so I’m going to keep doing it”. If you’re happy with your style, great, keep on keeping on  but if youre not, it may be time to take a new approach.

That’s all the advice I’ve got for you today. I’ll see you next time–and until then, remember that your everyday matters, so get dressed for it!